| Organisation Skills. |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|04:06 pm] |
Everything is sorted with my schooling. I shall attend classes two and a half days a week every second week, and only two days every other week. Every other day, I have clear to work at the dojo.
Pierre, if it works for you, perhaps we could get together so I can show you my timetable and times I will and won't be able to be at the dojo so that you can pass that information to your work at the mechanic as soon as possible?
This term is going to be a good one for me, I can just feel it. |
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| Filtered to Jude... too late. |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
Jude... I'm so sorry. I heard about your mother from my dad, but didn't connect the dots that the woman who was so horridly murdered earlier in the week could actually have any relation to the girl who's housewarming party I was going to. I think I realised it at some point during last night, your name was just so familiar and I... should have said something? I'm surprised you held the party anyway, but maybe it helped?
Anyway, I just wanted to offer my condolences, Jude. I'm sorry for your loss. |
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| House hunting |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|10:37 pm] |
Well, Alexei and I went house hunting, and it was actually a pretty nice day for it. I mean, not raining or anything, which would have made the day a very dreary kind of thing. But I was able to borrow the car from dad, and that made getting from house to house a much faster thing, which I'm sure Alexei appreciated even if he never mentioned it.
I'm sure the only reason I haven't recieved a proper thanks yet is because he's so busy in the moving stuff across from Captain Ick Appartment to his new place and settling in, which is quite understandable. I shall just expect to be first house guest over when he gets himself all sorted out.
And then there is museum going tomorrow with Pierre and Deirdre and Dylan, whom I have heard so much from, and not just from his big sister, but he is quite efficient with the lj system himself, so it seems. Should prove another very interesting day.
All in all, I find that I am really enjoying my holidays. It's nice to get out and about, even when the sun is nowhere to be seen. Now if only I could schedule in some time of my own to actually take some of those frost pictures in the mornings that I've been meaning to do since school holidays started up.
I've been so terribly lazy! But there is a certain fun to it, I believe. *nods* |
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| What? Could this be? It's a happy-Kait *smiles* |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|01:37 pm] |
Today I'm happy; the happiest I've been since Renee made her decision. Things are looking well, I just got back from a late breakfast with Daddy and have been sitting here on my computer talking to friends while I'm supposed to be doing manipulations on Photoshop, but I'm sure that won't take me very long, and I have a full week to get it done. I'll be fine.
Pierre has moved back to his home again. I always like having friends of mine stay in this house when other places are difficult for them, but it always makes me lonely when it becomes time to say goodbye. I will just have to wait for the next time there is a stay over at my house and remain content with that.
Thank you, Pierre, you are lovely in your 'Little Book of Calm'ness. *hugs* I don't know what I would do without you. And surprisingly, thank you also, Alexei. *smiles* |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|10:58 pm] |
Huh. What do you know? Alexei wasn't so bad as that. Perhaps it doesn't mean everything that he decided a relationship with Tasha - sorry, Natasha - was a good thing at the time. Maybe she was better at the time? It's a long shot, but maybe my pessimism is passing through to reveal a little of my optimism again. Surely that's a good thing, right?
I'm sorry Evey; I didn't mean to make you feel like I was monopolising Pierre's time from you. Maybe we three could go out coffee, cause I would like to see you again soon, if you are free. |
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| Posting again |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|11:47 pm] |
The world of London seems so much smaller without Scarlett in it. Perhaps this is how she felt when I went into reclusing. But even so... We hadn't gone more than a fortnight without seeing each other before Tasha decided to be here for a year now... and this time last year, we were travelling Europe together. I hope Scarlett doesn't feel she needs to stay away too long.
If you read this Scar, I we miss you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | done | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hold On - Sarah McLachlan | ] |
I've given it a great deal of thought. Actually, I've been thinking about this for some time now.
I check this site less and less, posting rarely on other people's journals and fewer on my own. *sigh* Sometimes... sometimes I just think that this place, this livejournal, causes more sadness than it is worth. But that is just for me. I'm quite happy to be the one who is wrong. But I think that right now, livejournal is wrong for me.
Marcel is dead, but I can't help thinking it was nothing more than was deserved.
I don't want to be the one watching from the sidelines anymore.
*nods* So yeah... that's about it then. *smiles* |
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| Private |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|12:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sadness | ] |
"Between us, things are just fine."
I said that. And most of the time, I do mean it. With both Scarlett and Renee. Yet somehow, I also feel... I don't know. Like I am competeing for both of their attentions. Like I need to and like I don't. Like they two should be together, and yet, if they were, what of me?
I have no right to ask these things. I already expressed that this was a period of time I wanted to be just 'me'. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|11:38 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tori Amos - Winter | ] |
I had a wonderful weekend, which was followed today by Amanda's return from the meditation retreat. Fancy Libby coming here to live as well. Isn't London just becoming the most crowded of places lately? I even think I may have brought Amanda, if not Hannah, into the mess that is Livejournal. Horrifying.
Daddy called last night to make sure that I was going alright. And I am. It's actually really nice to be able to say that again.
I've been too long defining myself by the people I am around, and by those I am involved with. There was something about seeing Libby that reminded me of myself... I need to find myself again; not as part of another person, but as Kait-person.
I think it's an important thing to do, at least. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|07:00 pm] |
Amanda's not at school for the rest of this week. She wasn't there today cause she left the other night for a meditation retreat with her mother for the next week.
I wonder if she is at the same place as Scarlett.
School was uneventful today. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to bring in my mp3 player and listen to sad ballads in class. I think it was a good idea when the professor came in and informed me that I was to 'put it away at once'.
So I did.
Hannah was grinning at me. It's usually her who's told off by the same professor.
This house is lonely. I used to have lots of things to do around the house when Daddy was away. Now all I do is bumble around the house, empty rooms filled with loud silence. When I was looking for a sock that had fallen under my bed, I found a top of Scarlett's that she lost about a month ago. It still smelt like her.
But I'm doing good. It is, however, amazing to note just how quickly a good thing can turn to bad. |
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| For Scarlett's eyes only. |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|01:07 pm] |
Dear Scarlett; for whenever this reaches you,
We can't keep on doing this. You know it; I know it. Let us part as friends now, before in the end, there is nothing more to salvage. |
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| So this is Happiness |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|08:46 pm] |
So. Apparently Scar is staying at my house for... *glances back at her* ...an unidentifyable amount of time at present. Still, with her bags packed and on the floor - of the guest bedroom *rolls eyes* of course - she could be here indefinitely.
I should really be more worried about this.
*gleeful* But I'm not! And now she's tickling me... eep... must.. click... Send!! |
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| Open House! |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|11:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  *smiles* | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tale of the Sea Maid - Leaves Eyes | ] |
My father's on a business trip till the week before Easter. So... my house is pretty much an open place till then. Could be interesting. My 18th falls between this date and then... And of course he feels suitably terrible about that . I'm sure to get fantastic gifts from France. Yay!
Oh, did I mention, I want to do something for my birthday this year. Last year was great, Renee and I renting out a whole area for most of our photography class and various other schoolless bums to join in the celebrations. I think that could be called for this year, in my house.
Anybody willing to help organise with me? *hopeful*
Should be looking at the dojo with Pierre after school together. No, I must not get my hopes up. But it sounds fantastic from what Pierre has told me. I simply can't wait.
And life seems to be good right now. *smiles* |
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| Private |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|10:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confused and discomforted | ] |
... It took me this long to realise the impact of what Renee said to me last night.
The truth is, I want you both. And I can't have either of you.
Oh god. Is it possible that I have read this whole situation wrongly? I can remember a time when me and Scar had a conversation back when Renee was staying at my place after Deirdre... and Scar mentioned that she didn't feel she could live up to Renee in my eyes. Renee feels as though she can have neither one of us, and I have been distancing myself from them so that when they part from me together, it might hurt less.
Have I made a needlessly horrible mess with the two woman in my life that I have loved the most? But then, if that is the case, what should I think of all Pierre has said to me over the past days?
Argh, and again, my journal is for privated entries. *sigh* |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|10:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
Today at school was good. Had a bit of trouble keeping my attention on things... feeling really tired now. Like, what's the word? Almost hung over, but not. Just a bit heady, I guess. Wonder if that is normal.
Rally on tomorrow. I just found out what that is about. Gay rights! And me having already said I'll be there. *deep breath* Well, I suppose, who's going to see me there in the thickest of so many people? Really. I mean, those things are usually well populated, aren't they? Doesn't matter anyway. I have a quick and easy fix to make sure I'm not worried by unimportant little trifles like this.
So, 10.30 tomorrow morning with Amanda and Hannah. Hannah said her mother's going to be there. Can you even imagine a parent coming along to something like this? But I smiled and nodded and acted as though something like that was to be expected. It's really good to be around people who are so like minded right now. I don't feel like ... like I stick out and don't belong so much. It's... nice.
I wish everything was so nice. |
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| The needless babble post! |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|06:37 pm] |
Aaaand we have a Pierre back in the country. Scarlett and I went to go pick him up. I would have stayed with them longer.
A phone call came in from an unknown number, and it ended up being Hannah, from school. I don't even know how she got my number. Apparently there's a rally on Tuesday next week, during class time. She asked from her and Amanda if I wanted to join them. I wasn't sure... should I go? But then I thought; to hell with it. Why not, after all? So I said yes, and Hannah said they would meet me outside the gates near Empire Corner at 10.30 Tuesday morning.
I'll leave the house earlier though. It's too late a time to be leaving for school, and Daddy knows it.
So anyway, right now I'm sitting at home in front of my little laptop and listening to music. Pretty music. Not much on tonight. Early class tomorrow morning. Gosh, I haven't written about the work I'm actually getting done there for ages now. Mostly, I have been getting my work done. Of course, *sadly* much of it has missed Renee's artistic flair...
I've changed my mind. I don't have any need to needlessly babble here tonight after all.
Why are song lyrics sometimes so apt? *sigh* |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|02:07 pm] |
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Hey Scarlett, Pierre asked if you were going to be coming with me to pick him up from the bus depot tomorrow. If you want to, does it suit you for me to swing by yours before heading in that direction? Or have you other plans tomorrow? |
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| Stupid. |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|04:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disgruntled | ] |
I can't believe I forgot a paper that was supposed to be handed in today. *face to palm* I don't think I've ever done something like that before. It was just... completely not in my mind.
He's working me too hard. I can almost get to admitting it out loud now.
I'm sick of feeling this way and finally done something about it. Pierre, come home soon. |
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| Private. |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|10:37 am] |
I just got a long message from Renee. It breaks my heart not to reply to it, but honestly, what would I say in reply?
Exactly. Which is why I left it.
God, since when did my journal become private all of a sudden? |
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| Private |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|03:58 pm] |
I've been crying ever since he came into my room with the letter that he had found. My face feels swollen and my eyes are all raspy. It's not even like I can talk to Renee about it. It's just the same as it was before. I don't think she'll be able to forgive me for it a second time. No reason she should, I suppose.
I have to keep my father from finding out about Scarlett. Oh please God, don't make me lose her too!
I just can't stop crying. |
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